The engagement party officially
kicks off the wedding festivities and starts the wedding-day countdown.
Throw a flawless one by following our nine easy steps.
Decide who's hosting. The
bride’s parents traditionally host the engagement party, but the groom’s
parents, a friend or even the couple themselves can also throw one. . Also,
it's perfectly fine to not have an engagement party at all, or to have two —
perhaps in the bride's and groom's hometowns. It should be held within four
month of the proposal, but at least six months before the wedding.
Who to invite. It
used to be that you weren't supposed to invite anyone to the engagement party
whom you weren't inviting to your wedding -- case closed. But now that so many
couples live and/or host their nuptials far away from their families and
friends, and the formality of engagement parties is evolving, expectations have
changed and engagement parties now often include people who aren't invited to
the wedding. If your friends want to plan an informal bar party and just email
the invites a few weeks before, it's totally fine to include people you aren't
sure will end up making the wedding guest list (coworkers, newer friends,
college roommates). And if your parents' good friends want to host a cocktail
party at their home in your honor, let your parents invite mutual friends and
business associates you might not have room for at your wedding.
If, on the other hand,
either you two or your parents are hosting, the old rule sticks. When the
wedding hosts send the engagement party invitation, it's considered part of the
official wedding parties and guests assume they're invited to the wedding too.
To avoid a sticky situation later, start working on your wedding guest list
now. Then trim the engagement party list down to your bridal party, immediate
family and closest friends. Engagement parties are traditionally cocktail
parties, and it’s a lot to ask for someone to travel a lot for a party that
lasts only a few hours.
Where to Have It. Depending
on how many people you want to invite, you can make an engagement party work
almost anywhere. It's really up to the hosts. To choose the venue, think about
the atmosphere you want: If you like the idea of having everyone in the same
room, you might want to rent out a private room at a restaurant or a bar. For
something more low-key, a house, backyard or beach club might be a better
choice.
Send the invitations.
Engraved invitations aren’t really necessary for an engagement parties, but you
still want to get the word out. Keep the invitations simple — hand-write them
yourselves or send the invite via email. If you decide to go the printed-card
route, choose a clean, classic design; don't worry about color palettes or
other details — your engagement party invitations don't have to match the rest
of your wedding stationery.
Don’t ask for gifts. Between
the bridal shower and the wedding, there will be plenty of opportunities for
people to give you things. Let the engagement party be a legitimate celebration
with no expectations. Of course, some people will feel obligated to bring
you something, and those gifts should be set aside. Don’t open them during the
party. You’re not eight years old. No one wants to watch you open presents.
Plan the menu. There's
no need to plan a five-course meal with a four-hour open bar. Anything from
passed appetizers or tasting menu stations to a family-style buffet or an
eat-when-you-want cookout will work. Or get creative and serve up dishes that
share something about you. “I had a bride and groom known for having Sunday
Mexican dinners, so of course they brought it back with margaritas, mini fish
tacos and great guacamole -- it just made sense and was a genuine touch,” says
Lee. As for dessert, serve it if you'd like, but it doesn't have to be cake.
Consider gourmet ice cream sandwiches, assorted baked goods or seasonal treats
like candy apples or cotton candy.
Decide what to wear.
Your wardrobe will depend on the setting of the party. Aside from the obvious
(don't wear a long, beaded evening gown to a casual backyard bash), keep it
simple enough that you don't outdo your wedding day look, but special enough
that you'll still stand out. A sundress will work for an outdoor affair, or for
a fancier fete, a cocktail dress is a safe bet. And what should your freshly
minted fiance wear? While he doesn't have to wear a suit and tie (and certainly
not a tux) -- unless the venue calls for it -- he should get as dressed up as
you do.
Be sure to thank the party host. It doesn't need to be a grand gesture. It could
just be a nice arrangement of flowers or something small but appropriate. They
just threw you a party, so gratitude is in order. Even a handwritten note on special
stationary goes a long way.
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